Seventh-day Adventist belief breakdown: belief 7 of 28

The Seventh-Day Adventist Church has 28 fundamental beliefs. I list the underlying unspoken beliefs and snark when possible. Belief 7 is "Nature of Humanity".

All beliefs are from the official Seventh-Day Adventist Church website, Adventist.org. https://www.adventist.org/beliefs/

Per their website, Adventists reserve the right to change or update beliefs.

Therefore, this page is archived here: https://web.archive.org/web/20240127045827/https://www.adventist.org/beliefs/

Links to all prior snarked beliefs are available at the bottom of this post.

7. Nature of Humanity

“Man and woman were made in the image of God with individuality, the power and freedom to think and to do.”

Unspoken underlying assumptions:

• There is an immortal being that made everything and we humans call this being “god”.

• Out of all the gods in all the world, only the god of the Bible is the real one. Oh yeah so there's this collection of ancient manuscripts that's god communicating with humans and it's called the Bible.

• Of all the holy books in all the world, only Protestant sixty-six book version of the Bible is the right holy book. All the rest are from Satan. Oh yeah there's this actually physically real demonic entity named Satan, made by god, who's out to trick all the humans into Adventist hell.

• The account of creation in the Bible book of Genesis literally happened. Within 6,000 to 10,000 years. There was NO evolution involved. Nope! All science to the contrary is from Satan.

• The world used to be perfect.

• Two perfect humans were created by god and these humans could think up shit and get shit done.

“In god’s image” is left completely undefined. In Adventist circles, I have been taught by Adventist laypeople that it means “with free will”, and “with ability to create things”. At Adventist university, I was taught by an Adventist pastor in mandatory Adventist Bible class that “god is humanoid shape so ‘in his image’ means humanoid”. The professor required all students purchase his books as textbook, which must be nice to have that kind of double dipping income.

“Though created free beings, each is an indivisible unity of body, mind, and spirit, dependent upon God for life and breath and all else.”

Unspoken underlying beliefs: A human is a conglomerate of meat sack, brain, and what Adventists refuse to call “soul” and refer to “spirit” instead. Humans only exist because god. Also once humans are dead, their spirit goes nowhere. It's dead too until Jesus resurrects that human.

”When our first parents disobeyed God, they denied their dependence upon Him and fell from their high position.”

Translation: Adam and Eve as in the Bible Genesis account literally happened. We Adventists will term “Adam and Eve ate a fruit after god said don't” as actually “they denied their dependence on him".

We’ll also use the passive tense passively, as in “fell from their high position” instead of “god decided that all women of all time will have excruciating births, AND that all men of all time have to work hard in fields, AND all the animals and plants and humans have to die now”.

This is totally just and loving and there were zero other options for god. Zero.

I tend to agree with fictional demon Crowley in Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman’s book Good Omens. Post tempting Eve and Adam to eat the fruit, he observes to the guardian angel:

“I mean, pointing out the Tree and saying “Don’t Touch” in big letters. Not very subtle, is it? I mean, why not put it on top of a high mountain or a long way off?”

“The image of God in them was marred and they became subject to death.”

Here Adventists STILL don't say what the hell “image of god” in humans actually is. We're left guessing.

Unspoken assumption: God had zero choice in punishing these two humans who disobeyed him. They “became subject to death” as if god HAD to punish them. No second chances!

”Their descendants share this fallen nature and its consequences.”

Translation: All humans came from Adam and Eve. NO EVOLUTION OCCURRED!

Also notice the fucking passive tense. This is what humans do when describing something to minimize it, to pretend there was no other options, that something just helplessly occurred.

No. This god is allegedly all-loving, all-powerful, all-just. Condemning countless billions of humans to suffering death because two humans disobeyed him? Killing all the animals and plants? Seriously?

God had other options. A few include: Giving Adam and Eve a second chance. Getting Jesus onto earth hella sooner so fewer people have lives of suffering. Not punishing children for their parents’ sins. Punishing only Adam and Eve.

“They are born with weaknesses and tendencies to evil.”

Translation: So yup evil humans is natural consequences of Adam and Eve disobeying god. There was totes no other options because unstated reasons.

“But God in Christ reconciled the world to Himself and by His Spirit restores in penitent mortals the image of their Maker.”

Translation: Hey it's ok that god foisted all this shit onto humanity, animals, plants, et al, because god made a way out! If you're sorry enough, and say the right magic words, you can have your “image of your Maker” restored, whatever that means!

So there's something called the “image of god” that is undefined, and was “marred” when Adam and Eve ate the fruit, and can totes be cured by being sorry and saying the right magic words.

In no way does this smack of the time-honored sales tactic of creating a problem where there wasn't one, then marketing the cure for the problem. Nope.

“Created for the glory of God,”

Translation: God made humans for himself. This is right and merciful and not narcissistic.

“they are called to love Him”

Translation: Be damn sure you love god so you don't burn to death in Adventist hell!

“[humans are to love] one another,”

Translation: I'll omit the Adventist rhetoric that justifies how scapegoating LBGT+ people as “grooming” children by simply existing, is actually treating those humans “with love”.

This cruel practice leads to Adventist LBGT+ people, especially younger true believers, suffering intense self hatred, experiencing a lifetime of unnecessary guilt, even committing suicide.

“and to care for their environment.”

Translation: Yes the Bible says this, and also this sentence is in here to help attract and convert people who give a damn about the environment.

(Gen. 1:26-28; 2:7, 15; 3; Ps. 8:4-8; 51:5, 10; 58:3; Jer. 17:9; Acts 17:24-28; Rom. 5:12-17; 2 Cor. 5:19,  20; Eph. 2:3; 1 Thess. 5:23; 1 John 3:4; 4:7, 8, 11, 20.)

This is more cherry-picked Bible verses that is Adventist virtue signaling that their theology is straight up Bible biblical.

End belief 7 breakdown.

Why The Gentle Author calls Ellen Gould White “the Adventist plagiarizing prophetess”: Test The Prophet shows original Victorian Era books, first defining the Victorian definition of “plagiarize”. Then he shows the original authors’ books with content that Ellen White copied. Ellen White claimed that these texts were her visions from God. https://www.youtube.com/@TesttheProphet

All prior Seventh-day Adventist beliefs, snarked:

Belief 1 is snarked here:

https://talesfromacult.substack.com/p/adventist-belief-breakdown-belief

Belief 2 is snarked here:

https://talesfromacult.substack.com/p/adventist-belief-breakdown-belief-91e

Belief 3 is snarked here:

https://talesfromacult.substack.com/p/adventist-belief-breakdown-belief-961

Belief 4 is snarked here:

https://talesfromacult.substack.com/p/adventist-belief-breakdown-belief-0d8

Belief 5 is snarked here:

https://talesfromacult.substack.com/p/seventh-day-adventist-belief-breakdown

Belief 6 is snarked here:

https://talesfromacult.substack.com/p/seventh-day-adventist-belief-breakdown-21d